A little something...

When you look at her, Do you see what i see?
I see beautiful, you see okay.
I see funny, you see quiet.
A shattered heart needs time to heal
& when the pieces are glued back together,
you still need time to let it dry.
What if i told you that she had everything to keep you coming back
but nothing to keep you there.
...would you want to stick around to find out?
She's nothing less then perfect but only some can see that.
She can love you, she can understand you, she can help you.
But you won't let her.
So for now...She will do what she's gotta do.
She will smile to hide her sadness,
laugh to stop her tears,
and continue to ask herself...why?...

What it means...

If you ask her what she wants to do today, her first answer will be "i don't know."
Not because she's undecisive, not because she's boring.
Only because she doesn't care, as long as she's with you.
If she tries to stay mad at you over something stupid just to prove a point but can't help but smile when she looks in your eyes.
It only means that youre just that important to her,that there's no sense in arguing.
If she's having problems in her life and comes to you crying.
Don't threaten to beat anybody up, dont ask her if she wants to talk about it.
Just burry her in your chest so that she knows that no matter how big her issues are,
nothing can hurt her when she's that close to your heart.
If she calls just to say hello, it doesn't mean she's psycho.
It means she loves talking to you or even hearing your voice, even if it's just to say Hi.
When you look at her face and can't help but notice a certain glow, she can't stop smiling, she giggles like a little school girl.
It means her heart is doing the exact same thing.
Real women don't ask for materialistic things.
A 5 star restaurant or a dozen roses doesn't match up to what love feels like.
You could take her to Paris for a romantic dinner or walk with her through a field of red roses.
But the feeling of being held in your arms or hearing the words "I Love You" for no reason at all and beng kissed when she least expects it. That's something she will remember forever.
If you're not with her and you catch a wiff of her perfume and she's the first person that pops into your head....Tell her.
Every woman loves to know that you were thinking of her, without her name even being mentioned.
Never let love die. Make sure she knows how you feel.
Every woman craves to keep those butterflies from the first hello, to the last goodbye.
To grow old and hope that her final sleep will come before his so that she won't have to live a day without him.
To love is to live. Go through struggles, experience pain, fall, get back up.
But what get's you through all that, is love.
Don't regret it, Don't push it away. Don't take advantage of it, Appreciate it.

Eat.Pray.Love

"If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."

Downtown...

So i was Downtown Toronto today with a friend of mine trying to find some nice buildings that we could possibly take her engagement and wedding photos and even though it was a failed attempt I still found a building or 2 that just looked extraordinary behind the lens. Thought I'd share these photos with you. There's only 2, I could have taken more but the Bridezilla had me following her pretty closely. Kidding Marlene...Kidding.

Enjoy! :)

Or so you think...

So it finally came.

You know that night when you're sitting on your couch, flipping each channel acting as if there is absolutely nothing on TV that intrigues you but really you're not paying attention. Your eyes are blurred and the only thing you can make out are the different colors that put you in some sort of trance. Not even letting the actor finish their sentence before you're on to the next channel. You're mind races a mile a minute with quiet thoughts that even you can't hear. That's the moment you realize there's something wrong.
You try and brush it off, shake your head of those minuscule thoughts and start paying attention. Only to realize that there really isn't anything interesting on TV. So you turn to your computer, open up your media player and see that the last few songs you downloaded were all super break up ballads. You know, the ones that make you sing along at first because it makes you feel understood and once that song finishes you decide that it wont hurt to hear it one more time...or so you think.
After the first 4 times of hearing that one song on repeat and after you're done creeping other peoples lives on facebook or ordering those peep toe pumps off your favourite shoe site, it's about 3AM and you have nothing else to do but really listen to that ballad that's been playing consecutively in the background. You pay attention to every word, you hear the heart ache in her voice and suddenly it's not you who's singing along to those lyrics. Instead it's your heart beating to each key coming from the piano. Suddenly the pain you hear in her voice is quite similar to the feeling you have in your heart.
She lets out one last note that cuts deep. The song ends and you pause, feeling like your chest is caving in and your eyes swell up with tears. When that song starts up for the 5th time, that first note makes each tear come racing down your face as if they've been waiting to just jump. to just leave their little world that you've kept them prisoned inside.
You try as quick as possible to catch each tear, to stop this unbearable feeling you have. You hate it, No, you hate him and the next thing you know, you're repeating that exact sentence over and over again. It's the only thing you have left to say, it's the one thing you never thought you would say but at that moment, you did. Sadness, Anger and Lust all combined into one. Probably some of the most deadliest feelings ever.
It's funny how well people know how to cover up their emotions. To act as if the world is simple and they know the answers but when that moment of weakness comes you feel completely helpless. Your reality is suddenly staring straight at you. You stop the song, you turn off the computer and switch off the lights. You cuddle up against your pillow, embracing it as if it's that one person who can make all your problems drift away. You pull the covers over you and as it grazes your shoulder, you actually feel as if someone's holding you in return. You keep your eyes closed because you don't want to lose that feeling of contentment. You manage to stop the tears until that one thought of him strikes and you squeeze your pillow harder as the last little bit of tears leave your eye lids.
You take one more long breath to calm your nerves and help you rest from all the sobbing. Your eyes hurt from the swelling, your nose is beat red from all the tissues and your voice suddenly goes down an octave. You start to drift off as your body resets all those little things back to normal and then you fall into a deep sleep where you dream of nothing or at least you don't see it because everything on your mind left with every tear.
You wake up with something like a hangover. Only difference is you don't feel sick and you actually remember what happened last night. You look in the mirror only to see that your mascara was smudged all the way down to your chin and you look like one of those bug eyes fishes you see at the pet store. you laugh at how funny you look and if you're anything like me, you realize that laughter is the best medicine and a sign of happiness. So no matter how bad you feel, if you can willingly laugh, you'll be okay....Or so you think.

She's scared too...

You think you're alone in this world. You think nobody knows your pain. In times like this the scars lie on the outside. The wounds ache after every thought and after every memory. You're able to feel happy for every accomplishment you make but eventually that feeling torments you because you almost feel too late. Maybe you could have done this sooner. So that you could actually see if they're really proud of you or not. Maybe if you didn't waste so much time on other things that really didn't matter, you would have had more time.
Sometimes the best way to feel is alone. Sometimes it's the only way to battle your only enemy which is you. The only thing is, no matter how much you want to play the victim. You're not the only one...

She lost someone too...She lost a few...She knows how it felt to not be able to say goodbye. She knows how it feels to wonder why he hasn't come to visit in her dreams. She lost the man that she probably would have brought home to her family. The one person who loved every part of her. Who promised her tomorrow and the day after that...
She knows how it feels to have unanswered questions. To wonder why? Why him? Why didn't I have more time? Why was he standing there? So many more questions, no answers. She lives in fear that the next person she gets close to will disappear just as fast. That there will be more pain and more unanswered questions.
She hates goodbyes period. She hates letting go. She holds on so hard to men who portray the littlest bit of what he was and prays they won't leave her. She wonders when she'll catch a break or when she'll get a sign.

But it's been almost four years. Four years without his face. Four years without his laugh and four years without the sound of his voice. She hasn't woken up with a smile on her face in a long time.
She's not over it. She still loves him and she misses him terribly. She knows that no man will ever compare to him. She deserves someone who appreciates her for everything she's done. Who isn't a coward and fights for love.
She knows life is unfair. She's gone through it more than once and trust me, she's scared too...
But with life comes lessons. With these lessons we learn to live. For some it's easy, for others it's not.

Take your time but this isn't the end.
With death comes life.
With tears comes laughter.
With pain comes comfort.

There's always something else to be grateful for.
Life is really that simple...


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This post was inspired while listening to Jessie J - Who You Are.
Check her out! She's awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHYhErv_fWQ&feature=fvw

She stands alone...

This is something I found in my notebook from a while ago...

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She stands alone in front of her bathroom mirror as the tears run down her face. It's the one place where she can let all her feelings pertrude out of her. As she washes her face, each tear is masked from the water cascading from the sinks spout. The heat grazing her cold skin gives her a good sensation. Every hair stands up and chills go down her spine. She smiles for a second with a sense of relief because in that moment of weakness, when sometimes all you feel is numb... She actually felt good. From there she moves to the bed where she can wrap herself in warm blankets and lay her head on her pillow and pray that tonight her thoughts won't keep her awake but will instead let her dream of being happy again...

save you...

Your tears are not her fault.
They're your own.
She can't be who you want her to be
and save you from yourself at the same time.