Or so you think...

So it finally came.

You know that night when you're sitting on your couch, flipping each channel acting as if there is absolutely nothing on TV that intrigues you but really you're not paying attention. Your eyes are blurred and the only thing you can make out are the different colors that put you in some sort of trance. Not even letting the actor finish their sentence before you're on to the next channel. You're mind races a mile a minute with quiet thoughts that even you can't hear. That's the moment you realize there's something wrong.
You try and brush it off, shake your head of those minuscule thoughts and start paying attention. Only to realize that there really isn't anything interesting on TV. So you turn to your computer, open up your media player and see that the last few songs you downloaded were all super break up ballads. You know, the ones that make you sing along at first because it makes you feel understood and once that song finishes you decide that it wont hurt to hear it one more time...or so you think.
After the first 4 times of hearing that one song on repeat and after you're done creeping other peoples lives on facebook or ordering those peep toe pumps off your favourite shoe site, it's about 3AM and you have nothing else to do but really listen to that ballad that's been playing consecutively in the background. You pay attention to every word, you hear the heart ache in her voice and suddenly it's not you who's singing along to those lyrics. Instead it's your heart beating to each key coming from the piano. Suddenly the pain you hear in her voice is quite similar to the feeling you have in your heart.
She lets out one last note that cuts deep. The song ends and you pause, feeling like your chest is caving in and your eyes swell up with tears. When that song starts up for the 5th time, that first note makes each tear come racing down your face as if they've been waiting to just jump. to just leave their little world that you've kept them prisoned inside.
You try as quick as possible to catch each tear, to stop this unbearable feeling you have. You hate it, No, you hate him and the next thing you know, you're repeating that exact sentence over and over again. It's the only thing you have left to say, it's the one thing you never thought you would say but at that moment, you did. Sadness, Anger and Lust all combined into one. Probably some of the most deadliest feelings ever.
It's funny how well people know how to cover up their emotions. To act as if the world is simple and they know the answers but when that moment of weakness comes you feel completely helpless. Your reality is suddenly staring straight at you. You stop the song, you turn off the computer and switch off the lights. You cuddle up against your pillow, embracing it as if it's that one person who can make all your problems drift away. You pull the covers over you and as it grazes your shoulder, you actually feel as if someone's holding you in return. You keep your eyes closed because you don't want to lose that feeling of contentment. You manage to stop the tears until that one thought of him strikes and you squeeze your pillow harder as the last little bit of tears leave your eye lids.
You take one more long breath to calm your nerves and help you rest from all the sobbing. Your eyes hurt from the swelling, your nose is beat red from all the tissues and your voice suddenly goes down an octave. You start to drift off as your body resets all those little things back to normal and then you fall into a deep sleep where you dream of nothing or at least you don't see it because everything on your mind left with every tear.
You wake up with something like a hangover. Only difference is you don't feel sick and you actually remember what happened last night. You look in the mirror only to see that your mascara was smudged all the way down to your chin and you look like one of those bug eyes fishes you see at the pet store. you laugh at how funny you look and if you're anything like me, you realize that laughter is the best medicine and a sign of happiness. So no matter how bad you feel, if you can willingly laugh, you'll be okay....Or so you think.